泡菜坛子

Google Earth image on December 27, 2003

刚听到EJ说了一句话，把我震惊了，愣了很久:

-- "It’s only 40 days away from the end of this DECADE.”

现在再看那些当年亲眼看到的回放，总是有一种不知道哪里来的冲动。

回想起来，10年之前，我不是25-10=15岁，而是17岁。其实虚岁这回事情，小时候看来再正常不过。只有扳着手指等生日的时候才会想起周岁。但是不知道从什么时候，开始不愿意承认+2的年龄，开始像一个小女生一样希望年龄小一点，再小一点。

10年之前，还是花儿让我无线向往的时候，还是大张伟是“智慧少年”的时候，还是花鸟鱼虫的时候；也是无限叛逆看哪个老师都不顺眼的时候；还是每天晚上听朴树的时候；也是每天不厌其烦的弹难听的棉花憧憬着大学没人管的时候

总之，听完EJ说了那句话，马上去投了2001年AI的48分。

其实AI就是个长不大的不愿面对现实的小孩。其实我们大家都是

桌上的空酒瓶怎么变成两个了，我又喝高了吧

今天想写点无病呻吟的。

音乐这个东西很神奇，本来很平淡很没有惊喜的电影，加了音乐就完全不一样了。比如昨天又看的Les Choristes (The Chorus)，故事其实没什么新意，但是每次听到Morhange唱歌我就特激动。我是说，特，激动。看的我想把大学的法语书翻出来再学一遍了。

不过其实也让我想到了其他事情。

每次上国内的论坛，只要是有人发表观点的，不同意的人说的第一句话肯定是“XXX”，就那三个字。每次都让我很心寒。我不敢说我是以国家兴亡为己任的人，但看着老爸勤勤恳恳当了一辈子教师，看他的起起落落，总是有点潜移默化的效果。虽然我对他的教育方式有不同的意见，但是他说的事到现在回头看，还没有发现我不同意的地方。

回到网络的事情。我不是对说脏话骂人的人愤怒，我是对中国的教育绝望。回头所有受过的教育，印象深刻的是XYZ，牛顿，摩尔，作文，考试，记得的是语文老师严肃的警告我高考不要写批判的文章，从没有记得有哪个老师语重心长的告诉我如何做人，或者问我长大的理想是什么。结果就是我没有理想。我不知道我是谁。

前两天看到传说中的钱学森之问：中国什么时候才能培养出世界性的人才？

我想问，中国什么时候能有一个世界性的文学家和教育家？

Je ne sais pas…

早上喝的酒精开始发挥作用了，不说了，有兴趣的朋友看个trailer吧

I’m not going insane. But if I am, maybe it’s the way how it supposed to be.

No, I can’t tell.

So can you help me build the wall?

You’re very welcome.

So what was the deal? Heaven, or Hell?

Frankly, I’m not a big fan of birthday parties and surprises and all that, but that was the most surprising birthday I ever had.

My parents don’t normally remember my birthday, and really, birthday doesn’t mean that much to me. I can still remember that we used to have some discussion about me and my older cousin’s birthdays. Up until some age (don’t remember), I used to have birthday on 11/4 and he used to have it on 12/3. Only because that our parents didn’t remember the dates! At least not until they decided to take a look at the birth certificate and the records from hospital.

But still, it doesn’t mean to me that much. I don’t feel I’m old, not inside. But the appearance? I don’t know.

Sure I would like to travel back and live my life all over again. I’d figure out a way to be a better son, a better student, a better friend (maybe with a prefix as well), and a better man that takes responsibility more seriously. Maybe I’d socialize and behave myself better. Maybe I’d also be not so cynical and anti-mainstream, listen to 张信哲任贤齐周杰伦 and I’d be perfectly fine.

But until the next Einstein comes around, I’d better be looking forward. Looking forward to things that are not so clear to me, or not clear to me at all. Things like how I’d be like in 10 year, or 5, or maybe one year or even 6 months. No answer, and nobody could.

Halloween is the time for Sopor’s music. “窗外”is right, time goes fast, she can still remember this time last year. I can, too. Even the minor details of putting last year’s Halloween blog post together at night, and that I got fascinated by Anna’s appearance and her experience and feeling about death and the rest of the world, as I read about “Out Of Body Experience”. And I did it again last night! Maybe I have a dark and uninhabited corner inside.

People born and people die, but the world still moves on. I believe in the theory that people’s spirit stays when they die and it would be reborn. Whether you’d be man, woman, rich, poor, or simply a common animal, your consciousness stays.

But that’s way off the topic, even though I don’t know what my topic is right now.

But maybe, it was all destined to be so that I can’t run away from. I was destined to be like this, to be disappointing, to be somewhat lucky, and somewhat unlucky, and to be me.

The story has barely started, you can already tell that it is going to be a tragedy. You can see it coming and can’t do anything about it. All you can do is just to wait. Wait for it to come, wait for your turn.

So what was the deal that I had with the Master before I came?