泡菜坛子

So what was the deal? Heaven, or Hell?

Frankly, I’m not a big fan of birthday parties and surprises and all that, but that was the most surprising birthday I ever had.

My parents don’t normally remember my birthday, and really, birthday doesn’t mean that much to me. I can still remember that we used to have some discussion about me and my older cousin’s birthdays. Up until some age (don’t remember), I used to have birthday on 11/4 and he used to have it on 12/3. Only because that our parents didn’t remember the dates! At least not until they decided to take a look at the birth certificate and the records from hospital.

But still, it doesn’t mean to me that much. I don’t feel I’m old, not inside. But the appearance? I don’t know.

Sure I would like to travel back and live my life all over again. I’d figure out a way to be a better son, a better student, a better friend (maybe with a prefix as well), and a better man that takes responsibility more seriously. Maybe I’d socialize and behave myself better. Maybe I’d also be not so cynical and anti-mainstream, listen to 张信哲任贤齐周杰伦 and I’d be perfectly fine.

But until the next Einstein comes around, I’d better be looking forward. Looking forward to things that are not so clear to me, or not clear to me at all. Things like how I’d be like in 10 year, or 5, or maybe one year or even 6 months. No answer, and nobody could.

Halloween is the time for Sopor’s music. “窗外”is right, time goes fast, she can still remember this time last year. I can, too. Even the minor details of putting last year’s Halloween blog post together at night, and that I got fascinated by Anna’s appearance and her experience and feeling about death and the rest of the world, as I read about “Out Of Body Experience”. And I did it again last night! Maybe I have a dark and uninhabited corner inside.

People born and people die, but the world still moves on. I believe in the theory that people’s spirit stays when they die and it would be reborn. Whether you’d be man, woman, rich, poor, or simply a common animal, your consciousness stays.

But that’s way off the topic, even though I don’t know what my topic is right now.

But maybe, it was all destined to be so that I can’t run away from. I was destined to be like this, to be disappointing, to be somewhat lucky, and somewhat unlucky, and to be me.

The story has barely started, you can already tell that it is going to be a tragedy. You can see it coming and can’t do anything about it. All you can do is just to wait. Wait for it to come, wait for your turn.

So what was the deal that I had with the Master before I came?