泡菜坛子

I’ve always been a bust, a big bust, since the beginning of time, just as this kid above.

And it would not make any difference to me even I don’t like him, and even after I realize it.

My mind always goes the other direction as of my action, so did his.

I still remember listening to Citizen Cope’s song when riding in a train running in the snow land. The laziness of his voice and the laziness of my nature always make a good pair.

I don’t why I am so obsessed of being idle and doing nothing at all but just staring at the snow blowing at my window with nobody in sight.

I’m not a lonely person that always feels so, but the more I’m with the crowd, the more I want to be alone.

I believe I’m morally and socially a good person, but maybe, as I now realize, not a useful person as I’d thought before. Again, maybe just like him

I don’t want to ordinary, but again, maybe that’s who I am and I will be. That might be the difference between me and him.

And the other difference, he is fortunate.

Let me say it again, you knew it’s going to be a tragedy before it even started…

You always want to listen to music as slow as sticky and as old as this in such white and wet days – although the meaning of the lyrics might be totally irrelevant… or… is it?

When people and friends start asking you questions about love and marriage and lifelong commitment, you would kind of sense what’s next coming your way – it’s your turn! Busted!

It’s almost always the case that you’ll never realize the importance of things or people until you are without them. Just like I do now. I’m like a walking example, a bad one.

That’s why you’d be trying to tell them everything you can now, just to be different this time, at least for once.

Things change, so do perceptions, and they will, for sure.

Getting back to the opening topic, you hope you are making the right decision. When you look back 30, 50 years from now, you wouldn’t regret for what you’ve been through.

I know that, for me, I do. I do regret some silly stupid boyish small or not so small things that I did, and I wish I could go back and change it. But that probably wouldn’t change anything.

As I always said, the story has barely begun, and you already know that it’s going to be a sad one, and you can do nothing about it.

That’s about as frustrating and desperate as it can get.

I’m crazy.

I am.

The only connection is an icon that lights or dims reversely as to the sunlight. It’s just a simple click away but I always have great trouble to.

But happy birthday anyway, even if it means nothing, which I don’t think is the case. But… who knows.

It always frustrates me when I have the desire to do something but unable to, like sending out a present. If only things are that simple that I can just send things over the internet. Well, that’s the ONLY way. All I know is an address that is virtually non-existent.

On the Web, we are everywhere, and we are nowhere. It’s a new found neverland that could never be found. 

Just as I said, I would have been an alcoholic and a poet if I had the talent, and a drug addict if I didn’t.

Unfortunately, I’m the latter.

And even more unfortunately, I’m drunk.

When I say my wish is world peace, I mean WORLD PEACE.

Random thoughts, New Year’s Eve, 2009.

Today is said to be “the last day of this decade”. But I can hardly feel anything, just like I did ten years ago. If not for the “Twenty First Century” that people have been massively talked about and dreamed about, I would have stayed at home and doing some irrelevant things. But still, I did not do any “relevant” things, either.

With things progressing, it becomes more clear that I wouldn’t be doing any “relevant” things again. People are already summarizing this past embarrassing decade, and attach it with tags like “worst”; and messages of regret and sadness are flying around in Facebook. Maybe I should as well take a close look back.

But before I do, and everybody does, we should all know that it is easy to look back and comment on things that happened in the past. You are the prophet that never fails when you look back, and things like “I should have bought Citibank’s stock last year” are totally irrelevant.

So if we look back at the prediction and reality, we can feel the power of time: Vince Carter was predicted to be the “Player of the Next Decade” back in 1999, but things shook up different than most people thought.

While we are aware of all these, let’s take some time and write our wishes and prediction on a wall, on a paper and see what really happens.

兔子该躲回窝了，老出来晃悠什么。暖化至于这么严重么。要晃悠去哥本哈根，说热的你都睡不着了

考试总是让人很头痛，想到一把年纪还考试就更头痛

但我想不明白的是，为什么一把年纪了还有这么多想要的东西，小朋友才喊着要这要那的，我凑什么热闹

真想回到大一，天真地装潇洒，弄表演弄乐队什么的，搞的挺像那么回事。Beyond，花儿，红日，什么1984的，随你们唱什么，爱啥啥，我不管了，咱能装就行。看着照片那时候的照片，我纳闷了，后面打鼓那哥们儿谁呢？怎么一点都想不起来有这么一号人物，还傻傻的东张西望，我哪找来的。对，你，就说你呢，你谁啊

算了，咱还是现实一点，随缘吧，只要法号不是梦遗，咱出家都无所谓，就是实诚。2002年第一次听Green Day，2003年第一次听Blink-182，现在在 Youtube 上看到那些小孩儿在喊什么 21st Century Breakdown 是我第一次听Green Day什么什么的，我心里这得瑟的

咱就是看的开，不然这么多不顺的事儿我早就疯了

最后再说一句，FUCK AT&T!

谁让你每次都让我傻了吧唧的拿着电话往天上乱晃找信号，人还以为我奥特曼呢

还有，奥特曼竟然叫 Ultraman，真像安全套的名字，更傻了吧唧的；而且他们老妈老爸叫 Ultra Father 和 Ultra Mother，生了这么多，真够ULTRA的

换首 Ozzy Osbourne 的 Goodbye to Romance，难得他有这种歌

Google Earth image on December 27, 2003

刚听到EJ说了一句话，把我震惊了，愣了很久:

-- "It’s only 40 days away from the end of this DECADE.”

现在再看那些当年亲眼看到的回放，总是有一种不知道哪里来的冲动。

回想起来，10年之前，我不是25-10=15岁，而是17岁。其实虚岁这回事情，小时候看来再正常不过。只有扳着手指等生日的时候才会想起周岁。但是不知道从什么时候，开始不愿意承认+2的年龄，开始像一个小女生一样希望年龄小一点，再小一点。

10年之前，还是花儿让我无线向往的时候，还是大张伟是“智慧少年”的时候，还是花鸟鱼虫的时候；也是无限叛逆看哪个老师都不顺眼的时候；还是每天晚上听朴树的时候；也是每天不厌其烦的弹难听的棉花憧憬着大学没人管的时候

总之，听完EJ说了那句话，马上去投了2001年AI的48分。

其实AI就是个长不大的不愿面对现实的小孩。其实我们大家都是

桌上的空酒瓶怎么变成两个了，我又喝高了吧

今天想写点无病呻吟的。

音乐这个东西很神奇，本来很平淡很没有惊喜的电影，加了音乐就完全不一样了。比如昨天又看的Les Choristes (The Chorus)，故事其实没什么新意，但是每次听到Morhange唱歌我就特激动。我是说，特，激动。看的我想把大学的法语书翻出来再学一遍了。

不过其实也让我想到了其他事情。

每次上国内的论坛，只要是有人发表观点的，不同意的人说的第一句话肯定是“XXX”，就那三个字。每次都让我很心寒。我不敢说我是以国家兴亡为己任的人，但看着老爸勤勤恳恳当了一辈子教师，看他的起起落落，总是有点潜移默化的效果。虽然我对他的教育方式有不同的意见，但是他说的事到现在回头看，还没有发现我不同意的地方。

回到网络的事情。我不是对说脏话骂人的人愤怒，我是对中国的教育绝望。回头所有受过的教育，印象深刻的是XYZ，牛顿，摩尔，作文，考试，记得的是语文老师严肃的警告我高考不要写批判的文章，从没有记得有哪个老师语重心长的告诉我如何做人，或者问我长大的理想是什么。结果就是我没有理想。我不知道我是谁。

前两天看到传说中的钱学森之问：中国什么时候才能培养出世界性的人才？

我想问，中国什么时候能有一个世界性的文学家和教育家？

Je ne sais pas…

早上喝的酒精开始发挥作用了，不说了，有兴趣的朋友看个trailer吧